It’s very common that people find it difficult to express the emotions. One of the reasons why most of us have trouble in expressing the emotions is the fear of judgement and hopelessness.
There can be a number of reasons as to why you choose silence over expressing your feelings. It is not easy for everyone to express their feelings. Stereotype has it that men face the hardest time to express their emotions. Whereas everyone else is able to talk it through.
Learning to talk about your emotions is a long process which ultimately changes your behavior.
Here are 5 reasons as to why people find it difficult to express their emotions.
1. Conflict Phobia
There are times when you don’t share your feelings because you are feeling afraid of a conflict with the other person. You do not wish to indulge in “verbal fights” or arguments. In addition, it is believed that disclosing feelings and thoughts to those who you care about might reject you.
2. Emotional Perfectionism
You come across instances when you reject yourself for feeling negative emotions such as anger, depression, or anxiety. Because our societal norms teach us to behave rationally and in control of emotions all the time. You don’t want yourself to pose as weak and vulnerable. This all boils down to the fear of rejection.
3. Low Self-Esteem
People going through negative emotions often feel that they are not entitled to express their feelings or ask for help. Because of societal norms, you are always trying to please others and meet the ‘expectations’ of society.
When we are upset, we feel we are entitled to say out loud whatever comes to our mind. Structuring communication does not indicate that you’re ‘faking’ it or attempting to manipulate others inappropriately.
We always are afraid to accept our negative feelings of anger, hurt, disappointment, or resentment to others. The primary reason is that you don’t want the other to feel the wave of satisfaction of knowing that your behavior is unacceptable. We take pride in controlling our emotions and experiencing hurt or resentment (in front of others) whi;:le we are screaming internally for help.
Now, suppressing negative and positive emotions may not sound severely damaging but they surely do have a negative impact on your health. It further deteriorates your ability to feel, express, and talk.
Here are 4 consequences which you might face when you don’t allow yourself to fully feel those emotions.
1. Mental Exhaustion
When you suppress an emotion, you suppress the memory of an event which made you feel a certain way. To our dismay, we can never forget a memory on purpose, and so in order to avoid thinking about a certain event, your mind tends to work overtime.
2. Headaches and Migraines
Headaches! If I were, to be honest with you, these headaches were my worst enemy in school so much so that no medicine, no balm, nothing would cure it. It took me a while to understand that headaches are a consequence of emotional distress.
3. Stronger Negative Emotions
When we choose to ignore a certain emotion, we allow those emotions to become stronger. These negative emotions become a part of you without your knowledge, which further can lead to inefficient decision-making.
4. Difficulty in Experiencing Positivity
When negative emotions become a part of you, you overlook the positive emotions as well. If you try to limit the feeling of negative emotions, you also limit the feeling of positive emotions. You cannot have positive without riding the negative.
When we pile on and on and keep it to ourselves, we tend to be in control of our minds. This should be the other way round – Your mind must be in your control. I do realize that there are times when we feel that our mind is out of control and there’s no going back from here. There always is!
If we keep our negative emotions, our sorrows to ourselves, we tend to become frustrated because we let negative emotions gain control on ourselves. This frustration is vented out in various ways such as –
- Attempting Suicide
The consequences of any of the mentioned above are negative, which further leads to negative emotions, and thus, creating an infinite loop of the vicious cycle.
A problem shared is a problem halved.
- When you share your problem with someone who loves you and will be with you through thick and thin, it makes you feel a step closer to the solution. While you’re talking through a problem, you shed a light on how you can get through it.
- Brainstorming ideas with another person or even a group can help you to dig new ideas which further helps you to move forward.
- Also, when you know someone has your back, the social support makes all the difference in the world.
- Unless we point out where it hurts, it would eventually lead you to some kind of meltdown.
- While learning to share what’s really happening, you might be embarrassed to share your emotional issues. Thus, it is important to share with someone who is comforting and non-judgemental.
- When we talk to other individuals, we get a new perspective which we might have never figured out on our own.
- You can minimize your problems when you discuss them with those who you trust. It is okay to give your pain a voice and let someone listen.
Besides talking it out, there are a number of therapies which you can try –
- Art Therapy
- Dance Therapy
- Animal Therapy
- Mindfulness Meditation
- Maintaining a Journal
- Music Therapy
It is okay to feel negative emotions. It is okay to not be okay. Breathe. This shall pass too.